TFIPOST हिन्दी
TFIPOST Global
Tfipost.com
Tfipost.com
No Result
View All Result
  • Premium
  • Politics
    • All
    • Analysis
    • Opinions
    • Trending
    PM Modi Targets Mamata Government Over Misrule

    “Remove TMC, Save Bengal”: PM Modi Targets Mamata Government Over Misrule

    The Enforcement Directorate (ED) recently arrested Chaitanya Baghel, son of former Chief Minister Bhupesh Baghel

    Why Did ED Arrest Bhupesh Baghel’s Son? A Detailed Look at the Chhattisgarh Liquor Scam

    Rajiv Gandhi Buckled to U.S. Pressure in 1986 Cabinet Reshuffle

    Rajiv Gandhi Buckled to US Pressure in 1986 Cabinet Reshuffle: Nishikant Dubey

    Madras High Court Bars Nama Sankeerthanam in Residential Area

    Madras High Court Bars Nama Sankeerthanam in Residential Areas Without Collector’s Permission

    • Analysis
    • Opinions
    • Trending
  • Economy
    • All
    • Business
    • Economy1
    • Finance
    AI Appreciation Day Celebrated Globally, Spotlight on Innovation and Ethical Progress

    AI Appreciation Day Celebrated Globally, Spotlight on Innovation and Ethical Progress

    India Achieves 50% Non-Fossil Fuel Power Capacity

    India Achieves 50 pc Non-Fossil Fuel Power Capacity, Five Years Ahead of Schedule

    Advantages of Using an EMI Calculator Before Applying for a Personal Loan

    Advantages of Using an EMI Calculator Before Applying for a Personal Loan

    WiseProfitWay.com reviews – Trading Times

    WiseProfitWay.com reviews – Trading Times

    • Business
    • Finance
  • Defense
    • All
    • Defence
    • Strategy
    • Weaponry
    India Successfully Tests Prithvi-II and Agni-I Ballistic Missiles

    India Successfully Tests Nuclear Capable Agni-I & Prithvi-II Ballistic Missiles in Odisha, Strengthens Strategic Deterrence

    Successful Test of ‘Akash Prime Air Defence System’ in Ladakh

    Successful Test of ‘Akash Prime Air Defence System’ at 15,000 Feet in Ladakh

    CDS Chauhan: India Needs Tomorrow’s Tech to Win Today’s Wars

    India Needs Tomorrow’s Tech to Win Today’s Wars, Says CDS Anil Chauhan; Urges Indigenous Tech Push

    India-U.S. Set to Strike Javelin Deal

    India Seeks Javelin Missile Co-Production Deal with U.S. Under ‘Make in India’ Push

    • Defence
    • Strategy
    • Weaponry
  • Geopolitics
    • All
    • Africa
    • Americas
    • Asia Pacific
    • Europe
    • South Asia
    • West Asia
    TRF Ban a Win for India: Renewed Momentum to Greylist Pakistan at FATF

    TRF Sanctioned: Will Pakistan’s Terror Nexus Drag It Back to FATF Grey List?

    US Declares Pakistan’s Lashkar Proxy TRF a Terror Outfit,

    Pahalgam Massacre: US Declares Pakistan’s Lashkar Proxy TRF a Terror Outfit, Cites Trump’s Justice Call

    Baloch Insurgents Kill 29 Soldiers: Pakistan Army Losing Control in Balochistan

    Is Balochistan Slipping Away from Pak? 29 Soldiers Killed as BLA, BLF Launch Simultaneous Attacks

    Khalistani Sympathiser with Anti-India Stance: Jasmeet Bains

    Khalistani Sympathiser with Anti-India Stance, Jasmeet Bains Aims for California Congress Entry

    • Africa
    • Americas
    • Asia Pacific
    • Europe
    • South Asia
    • West Asia
  • Knowledge
    • All
    • Culture
    • Education
    • History
    • Indology
    NCERT Textbook Reveals Mughal Religious Intolerance

    Ruthless Babur, Violent Akbar, Destructive Aurangzeb: NCERT Textbook Reveals Mughal Religious Intolerance

    India Built Gardens Long Before Babur Dreamt of Charbagh

    Before the Mughals: India’s Civilisation Built Gardens Long Before Babur Dreamt of Charbaghs

    Revisiting the MANUSMRITI: Why India’s Youth Must Study This Ancient Epic

    Revisiting the MANUSMRITI: Why India’s Youth Must Study This Ancient Epic

    Echoes of the Cholas in Today’s Bharat

    Conqueror of the Seas: Rajendra Chola and the Rise of Naval Bharat

    • Culture
    • History
    • Indology
  • Law
  • Lounge
    • All
    • Books
    • Cinema
    • Entertainment
    • Food
    • Games
    • Health
    • Lifestyle
    • Satire
    • Sports
    • technology
    • Travel
    Karnataka Govt Blames RCB for Chinnaswamy Stampede

    Congress- led Karnataka Govt Blames RCB for Chinnaswamy Stampede, Cites Kohli’s Video in HC

    Ace Alliance: Accelerating Growth in the European iGaming Market

    Ace Alliance: Accelerating Growth in the European iGaming Market

    Addiction Recovery in India: Breaking Stigmas and Building Support Systems

    Addiction Recovery in India: Breaking Stigmas and Building Support Systems

    How Under Armour’s Women’s Sports Shoes Are Reinventing Women’s Fitness Experience

    How Under Armour’s Women’s Sports Shoes Are Reinventing Women’s Fitness Experience

    • Books
    • Cinema
    • Food
    • Health
    • Sports
    • technology
    • Travel
    • Satire
Tfipost.com
  • Premium
  • Politics
    • All
    • Analysis
    • Opinions
    • Trending
    PM Modi Targets Mamata Government Over Misrule

    “Remove TMC, Save Bengal”: PM Modi Targets Mamata Government Over Misrule

    The Enforcement Directorate (ED) recently arrested Chaitanya Baghel, son of former Chief Minister Bhupesh Baghel

    Why Did ED Arrest Bhupesh Baghel’s Son? A Detailed Look at the Chhattisgarh Liquor Scam

    Rajiv Gandhi Buckled to U.S. Pressure in 1986 Cabinet Reshuffle

    Rajiv Gandhi Buckled to US Pressure in 1986 Cabinet Reshuffle: Nishikant Dubey

    Madras High Court Bars Nama Sankeerthanam in Residential Area

    Madras High Court Bars Nama Sankeerthanam in Residential Areas Without Collector’s Permission

    • Analysis
    • Opinions
    • Trending
  • Economy
    • All
    • Business
    • Economy1
    • Finance
    AI Appreciation Day Celebrated Globally, Spotlight on Innovation and Ethical Progress

    AI Appreciation Day Celebrated Globally, Spotlight on Innovation and Ethical Progress

    India Achieves 50% Non-Fossil Fuel Power Capacity

    India Achieves 50 pc Non-Fossil Fuel Power Capacity, Five Years Ahead of Schedule

    Advantages of Using an EMI Calculator Before Applying for a Personal Loan

    Advantages of Using an EMI Calculator Before Applying for a Personal Loan

    WiseProfitWay.com reviews – Trading Times

    WiseProfitWay.com reviews – Trading Times

    • Business
    • Finance
  • Defense
    • All
    • Defence
    • Strategy
    • Weaponry
    India Successfully Tests Prithvi-II and Agni-I Ballistic Missiles

    India Successfully Tests Nuclear Capable Agni-I & Prithvi-II Ballistic Missiles in Odisha, Strengthens Strategic Deterrence

    Successful Test of ‘Akash Prime Air Defence System’ in Ladakh

    Successful Test of ‘Akash Prime Air Defence System’ at 15,000 Feet in Ladakh

    CDS Chauhan: India Needs Tomorrow’s Tech to Win Today’s Wars

    India Needs Tomorrow’s Tech to Win Today’s Wars, Says CDS Anil Chauhan; Urges Indigenous Tech Push

    India-U.S. Set to Strike Javelin Deal

    India Seeks Javelin Missile Co-Production Deal with U.S. Under ‘Make in India’ Push

    • Defence
    • Strategy
    • Weaponry
  • Geopolitics
    • All
    • Africa
    • Americas
    • Asia Pacific
    • Europe
    • South Asia
    • West Asia
    TRF Ban a Win for India: Renewed Momentum to Greylist Pakistan at FATF

    TRF Sanctioned: Will Pakistan’s Terror Nexus Drag It Back to FATF Grey List?

    US Declares Pakistan’s Lashkar Proxy TRF a Terror Outfit,

    Pahalgam Massacre: US Declares Pakistan’s Lashkar Proxy TRF a Terror Outfit, Cites Trump’s Justice Call

    Baloch Insurgents Kill 29 Soldiers: Pakistan Army Losing Control in Balochistan

    Is Balochistan Slipping Away from Pak? 29 Soldiers Killed as BLA, BLF Launch Simultaneous Attacks

    Khalistani Sympathiser with Anti-India Stance: Jasmeet Bains

    Khalistani Sympathiser with Anti-India Stance, Jasmeet Bains Aims for California Congress Entry

    • Africa
    • Americas
    • Asia Pacific
    • Europe
    • South Asia
    • West Asia
  • Knowledge
    • All
    • Culture
    • Education
    • History
    • Indology
    NCERT Textbook Reveals Mughal Religious Intolerance

    Ruthless Babur, Violent Akbar, Destructive Aurangzeb: NCERT Textbook Reveals Mughal Religious Intolerance

    India Built Gardens Long Before Babur Dreamt of Charbagh

    Before the Mughals: India’s Civilisation Built Gardens Long Before Babur Dreamt of Charbaghs

    Revisiting the MANUSMRITI: Why India’s Youth Must Study This Ancient Epic

    Revisiting the MANUSMRITI: Why India’s Youth Must Study This Ancient Epic

    Echoes of the Cholas in Today’s Bharat

    Conqueror of the Seas: Rajendra Chola and the Rise of Naval Bharat

    • Culture
    • History
    • Indology
  • Law
  • Lounge
    • All
    • Books
    • Cinema
    • Entertainment
    • Food
    • Games
    • Health
    • Lifestyle
    • Satire
    • Sports
    • technology
    • Travel
    Karnataka Govt Blames RCB for Chinnaswamy Stampede

    Congress- led Karnataka Govt Blames RCB for Chinnaswamy Stampede, Cites Kohli’s Video in HC

    Ace Alliance: Accelerating Growth in the European iGaming Market

    Ace Alliance: Accelerating Growth in the European iGaming Market

    Addiction Recovery in India: Breaking Stigmas and Building Support Systems

    Addiction Recovery in India: Breaking Stigmas and Building Support Systems

    How Under Armour’s Women’s Sports Shoes Are Reinventing Women’s Fitness Experience

    How Under Armour’s Women’s Sports Shoes Are Reinventing Women’s Fitness Experience

    • Books
    • Cinema
    • Food
    • Health
    • Sports
    • technology
    • Travel
    • Satire
No Result
View All Result
Tfipost.com
Tfipost.com
No Result
View All Result
  • Premium
  • Politics
  • Economy
  • Defense
  • Geopolitics
  • Knowledge
  • Law
  • Lounge

The secret behind Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 is finally out

Atul Kumar Mishra by Atul Kumar Mishra
12 July 2015
in Satire
Rahul Gandhi Karnataka
Share on FacebookShare on X

I have just one question. Mr Prime Minister, what you say must carry weight. You said ‘na khaoonga, na khane doonga‘. What happened to that? Said Rahul Gandhi version 2.0.

 

RelatedPosts

Rahul Gandhi’s Visit Sparked Fresh Violence in Assam, Says CM Sarma : Police to Review Speeches for Incitement

CM Himanta Hits Back as Out-on-Bail Rahul Gandhi Rants About ‘King of Assam’

Is Congress Using ‘Rohith Vemula Bill’ to Sneak Muslims into SC Quota At the Cost of Hindu Dalits?

Load More

Good, little more weight on the Hindi Phrase.

 

Okay, I’ll try once again. Ahem ahem…Rahul Gandhi version 2.0spat out the phlegm with force.

 

I have just one question. Mr Prime Minister, what you say must carry weight. You said NA KHAOONGA, NA KHAANE DOONGA. What happened to that? Said Rahul Gandhi version 2.0.

 

“Aah! NOOO…that’s not what I said. Adding weight doesn’t mean shouting. What are you a nutcase or something?” The Secret Guru shouted.

 

Tears filmed on Rahul Gandhi version 2.0’s beautiful eyes. His cheeks gathered a hint of red. His nostrils flared and a lump formed in his throat. He started sobbing.

 

This was enough for Jairam Ramesh. He burst out crying. “Please don’t shout at Rahul Baba”. He took his specs off and wiped it with the edge of his Kurta. “No one shouts at Rahul Baba. We have been coaching him since long. I taught him economics, Diggy Raja taught him foreign affairs, Kamalnath taught him literature, Aiyar taught him Political science and Manish Tewari taught him communication skills. But we never shouted at him, you old fool. How dare you shout at Rahul Baba? How dare you?

Read: Rahul Gandhi’s strategy(if there is one) explained in Pie-Charts

 

The Old Guru was not amused. He signalled his sentries who lugged Ramesh out of the chamber forcibly. Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 was alarmed. It was his third stint at the Old Guru’s coaching institute. He first came here when he went missing for 52 days straight. Old Guru purged Rahul Gandhi version 2.0’s fears of facing the public. He transformed his funny bones into sombre muscles. Rahul Gandhi owed his second version to this weird, clandestine guru of his.

 

“So do you understand what I was saying? MORE STRESS ON THE HINDI PHRASE.” Shouted the Guru. His baritone reverberated in the empty chamber.

 

Yes yes, I understand. Let me try once again. Said Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 fretfully.

 

I have just one question. Mr Prime Minister, what you say must carry weight. You said Na Khaoonga, Na Khane Doonga‘. What happened to that? Said Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 and stretched his palms out. He knew the Guru wasn’t fond of failed attempts. Last time He received 112 whips on his pink palms.

Read about Rajiv Gandhi – The man who started everything in India.

 

Strangely, he got a pat on his shoulders. Let us break for a sutta. Said the Guru.

 

Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 was relieved. The secret Guru lit his favourite Wills Navy Cut and started blowing smoke rings.

 

“You know you were my favourite show on TV” Said the Guru as he blew out a Palm Symbol from his mouth.

 

“Show? But I am a man” retorted Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 cutely.

 

“Yeah Yeah, I know you are a big man and all that but your speeches, rallies and press appearances used to be my favourite. You know my doctor recommended me to watch all your videos on Youtube. You know excessive laughter is very good for bowel movements. I cured your stupidity and you cured my constipation. Ha Ha Ha” Said the Guru.

 

Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 smiled naively. He looked at the cigarette eagerly. The Guru was very bad at sharing his smoke and he never allowed him to light his own. To his relief the Guru passed the sutta right at that moment. The rest of the break time passed in silence.

 

Okay time for a quick revision. Let us revise everything that we learned. Said the Guru with an emotionless visage. Rahul Gandhi version 2.0 fidgeted nervously.

 

Who are you?

 

I am the messiah of the farmers of India.

 

Good. Who is the biggest foe of the farmers?

 

Modi, he is a corporate friendly guy. He’ll kill all the farmers.

 

Very good. So what do you suggest?

 

I want the Land Acquisition Bill to be reverted to Congress’s Peasant Friendly version of it.

Excellent. And repeat your punchlines.

 

Okay, Kahan hain acche Din? Corporates kaa saath, yahi hai Man ki Baat? Kuch Dino ke liye PM sahib INDIA aaye hain to koi kaam kar lein, na khaoonga, na khane doonga‘ka kya hua?

 

Awesome. You are now ready for the next round. Just stay away from these flatterers.

 

“Guru ji, I have one more punchline for the next rally. Shall I tell you?” Said a beaming Rahul Gandhi version 2.0.

 

Yes my child, go ahead.

 

“Brothers and Sisters, Keep watching my videos on YouTube. You’ll never suffer from constipation. You’ll always sleep with a clear stomach. How is this?”

 

SENTRY, GET MY CANE NOW. Shouted the Guru. His baritone reverberated in the empty chamber.

This is a work of satire and is not supposed to be taken seriously!
Tags: Jairam RameshRahul Gandhi
ShareTweetSend
Previous Post

Politics in Pie Charts

Next Post

How BJP Is Handling The Mainstream Media

Related Posts

Game of Recliners: Tired from serving public and increasing taxes, Karnataka MLAs to get 'nap' time as perks
Opinions

Game of Recliners: Tired from serving public and increasing taxes, Karnataka MLAs to get ‘nap’ time as perks

26 February 2025

Since news broke that Karnataka MLAs will have recliners in the assembly lounge for ‘naps’ while on duty, public...

Rahul Gandhi Panauti Narendra Modi
Satire

RaGa’s Panauti Punch: We Dug Deeper and Here’s What We Found

22 November 2023

In Hindi, "panauti" means bad omen, bad luck, or something ominous. This term recently gained attention when Rahul Gandhi,...

Rajdeep’s vitriol for middle class is only making BJP’s job easier
Opinions

Rajdeep’s vitriol for middle class is only making BJP’s job easier

7 August 2023

Ah, Rajdeep Sardesai, the one-man army fighting against the evil middle class that threatens the very fabric of our...

Load More

Comments 2

  1. Chandravarshi Kahar says:
    10 years ago

    A very futile attempt at evoking Laughter. Contrarily, Laughter is evoked at the attempt.

    Reply
  2. Jars says:
    10 years ago

    on the contrary this seems to be the only serious stuff on an overplayed clown but whose stupidity has never been successfully hidden from the public in so many years and versions ;-)

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I agree to the Terms of use and Privacy Policy.
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

Currently Playing

India’s ULRA Bomber: 12,000-km Beast That Can Strike Anywhere Without Refueling

India’s ULRA Bomber: 12,000-km Beast That Can Strike Anywhere Without Refueling

00:07:39

The Shocking Truth About Mass Conversions in Tamil Nadu

00:07:26

The Butcher of Pahalgam: Sulaiman — Trained by ISI, Pakistan’s Commando-Turned-Terrorist

00:04:13

Congress’s Rohith Vemula Bill: Caste Polarization Masquerading as Reform

00:07:33

Bhima Koregaon Won’t Be Repeated; Maharashtra’s Special Act to Wipe Out Urban Naxals.

00:06:06
Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube
tfipostTfipost.com
Right Wing | News Analysis | Indian Opinion
  • About us
  • Careers
  • Brand Partnerships
  • Terms of use
  • Privacy Policy
  • Sitemap
MASHABLE IS A GLOBAL, MULTI-PLATFORM MEDIA AND ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY. FOR MORE QUERIES AND NEWS, CONTACT US AT info@mashablepartners.com


©2025 TFI Media Private Limited

No Result
View All Result
  • Premium
  • Politics
    • Analysis
    • Opinions
    • Trending
  • Economy
    • Business
    • Finance
  • Defense
    • Defence
    • Strategy
    • Weaponry
  • Geopolitics
    • Africa
    • Americas
    • Asia Pacific
    • Europe
    • South Asia
    • West Asia
  • Knowledge
    • Culture
    • History
    • Indology
  • Law
  • Lounge
    • Books
    • Cinema
    • Food
    • Health
    • Sports
    • technology
    • Travel
    • Satire
TFIPOST हिन्दी
TFIPOST Global

©2025 TFI Media Private Limited