A pall of gloom fell over 10 Janpath on hearing the World Bank report that India has moved up to the hundredth spot in the ease of doing business, thirty places higher than the previous year. A worried Congress President Sonia Gandhi called for a meeting with some of the top Congress persons. Some of the journalists from Lutyens were also invited to attend this meeting.
Sonia Gandhi: I thought we somehow managed to make some headway in cornering this government. I was so happy when GDP numbers were announced and the growth rate was only 5.7%. We also managed to bring some doubts in the minds of some of the bloody bhakts on how the GST was implemented. Now suddenly, we have IMF praising the efforts of this government and World Bank Report saying that India has moved 30 places up. We cannot afford to lose Gujarat. What is happening and what do we do next?
MSM Journalist: I think we all underestimated Arun Jaitley as Finance Minister. We thought he is a lawyer and will not make a good Finance Minister, but he proved us all wrong. Had it been the good old days, I could have got him replaced with someone less capable, but with this government, things are different.
Kapil Sibal: During our 2G days, I came up with a zero loss theory. On the same lines, I will come up with a zero gain theory this time. The basic argument would be that even if we have moved 30 places up, there are no monetary gains to show.
Sonia Gandhi: You have been mocked enough for your stupid zero loss theory. Stop making a fool of yourself and stick to your triple talaq cases.
P Chidambaram: I think our stand should be that this happened because of the steps that UPA had taken and the NDA government is only taking credit for the work that we did.
MSM Journalist: For everything that this government has done, we keep saying the same thing. This government has taken steps like the insolvency code, reducing the paperwork to start business, fewer requirements to start a business. None of these were done by the UPA government. So this argument won’t fly.
Sonia Gandhi: Can you do something Defamation CEO? The article on Jay Shah did manage to create an impression that this government is not incorruptible. Can you plan and write one such investigative article rubbishing the report of WB?
CEO of a Leftist Blog, Recently Bombed by a Defamation Suit: Sorry mam. Jay Shah filing a hundred crore defamation suit has got me nervous. I am not sure how I am going to handle it. Arvind Kejriwal is also facing a similar issue and that’s the reason he has gone low profile and isn’t here.
Abhishek Singhvi: Don’t worry Defamation babu. Prashant Bhushan, Sibal and I are all eminent lawyers and we will fight for you.
Sonia Gandhi: You guys are digressing from the main topic. 2002, can you help? Will it be possible for you to arrange an interview with someone from World Bank? You can ask him pointed questions and try to bring home the point that their methodology was not right.
What about 2002 Journalist: Mam, I’ve just been badly snubbed by Pranab da and Arundathi Bhattacharya. I am not ready to get insulted for the third time within a span of few weeks. But give me some time and I will see what can be done.
Sonia: Where is Mamata Didi? Why is she not here? She’s always got some cunning ideas up her sleeve.
Wife of What about 2002 Journalist: She is terribly worried. Modi is hell bent on making Aadhar manadatory for everything including social schemes. The Supreme Court has just dismissed her case. She’s right now in a meeting with Derek and other TMC members on how to get around this issue and make it easy for our Bangladeshi pals.
Sonia Gandhi: Oh. And where is Akhilesh?
Wife ofWhat about 2002 Journalist: Yogi is making life difficult for him by trying to regulate Madrasas. He is in a meeting with some of the Madrasa heads.
Sonia Gandhi: Oh those guys are really making it tough for us.
Rahul Gandhi: I have an idea. Why don’t we build up the theory that IMF and WB are the government’s caged parrots like the CBI? When I said GST stands for Gabbar Singh Tax, it was very well appreciated and social media was going gaga over it. On the same lines, IMF will be Institution of Modi Fans. WB will be World of Bhakts.
Sanjay Jha: This is a brilliant idea. You are rocking yet again.
Divya Spandana: You are a genius Rahul. This is called out of the box thinking.
Priyanka Chaturvedi: But the IMF and WB are not Indian entities. They cannot be caged parrots.
Rahul Gandhi: Oh, that thought did not occur to me.
Sanjay Jha: Oh small miss. Good attempt nevertheless.
Sonia Gandhi: None of your ideas are going to bear any fruit. To divert attention and to gain some traction, we have no option but to go with the same old narratives of intolerance, freedom of expression, beef, secularism in danger, how this government is a fascist one, dictatorship of Modi etc. Be vigilant and monitor any death that occurs in the country and see if Modi can be blamed for it. Also, try to build more stories and make videos on demonetization deaths and GST being implemented incorrectly. Rahul and Divya, get your bots ready. We will have to conclude the meeting now.
P Chidambaram: Yes, I have a skype call with Karti now and have to leave. But you are right mam. In parallel, I will also come up with theories on malnutrition and poverty. I did make an attempt yesterday, but people started saying that we have ruled for most part since independence and Modi cannot be blamed for it. I will still try to come up with something. But mam’s idea seems to be the best bet now. We will go with that.
Sonia Gandhi: Good. Before we conclude, what do you say doctor Saheb? Are you ok with our approach?
Dr Manmohan Singh: Ha thik hai.
PS: This is a Satire, and has got nothing to do with the reality (no matter how real the conversation seems).