1.2 Billion Angry Men - Part1

Day: Wednesday
Place: New Delhi
Time: 4:00 PMJudge – So gentlemen as you all know democracy is dead and these two gentlemen, the ones you see right in front of you have killed it. The first accused is the Government because it is cunning, selfish and self-centred and the second accused is Opposition. It is guilty because of the simple reason that it is sluggish, spineless and does nothing to support or criticize the Government. The case is clear as a crystal but since this is an important case, I appoint you this important task of finding if these are the real culprits. If they are guilty, they’ll be sacked and prosecuted. If there’s a reasonable doubt in your minds as to the guilt of the accused, uh a reasonable doubt, then you must bring me a verdict of “Not Guilty”. If, however, there’s no reasonable doubt, then you must, in good conscience, find the accused “Guilty”. However you decide, your verdict must be unanimous. In the event that you find the accused “Guilty”, the bench will not entertain a recommendation for mercy. The Sacking and prosecution sentence is mandatory in this case. You’re faced with a grave responsibility, thank you, gentlemen.Day: Thursday
Place: New Delhi
Time: 11:35 AM

Rajeev Pandey (Juror 1) – It’s quite hot in here, looks like the AC isn’t working?

Clerk: It’s a government office sir, you are a software engineer right, forget IT Park like cooling here

Prasanna Venkatesh (Juror 2) – Hey, I am a techie too mate, which technology do you work on?

Rajeev Pandey – JAVA and you?

Aftab Anwar(Juror 3) – I believe we have a better and a more important job to do than discussing technology here

Rajeev Pandey – Why? Should we discuss about your salwar and beard then?

Aftab Anwar – DON’T BRING RELIGION HERE YOU BLOODY BRAHMIN, I AM HERE FOR JURY DUTY AND NOT FOR TAKING SHIT FROM A COMMUNAL MORON LIKE YOU
Clerk: Gentlemen, I suggest that you all cool down. It is going to be a long and tiresome day and you have been assigned a very important task. I’ll bolt the door from outside and will stay right there. You have water, juices, food, cigarettes, a tea and coffee vending machine here. If you need me for anything, just knock at the door. Thank you gentlemen.

Mukesh Jha (Juror 4) – So should we start?

Parijat Ghosh(Juror 5) – That old man is in the washroom. Let’s wait for him.

Mukesh Jha- Which old man?

Parijat Ghosh – That old Sardar ji, he is there in the washroom. Can somebody call him?

Karan Wadhwa(Juror 6) – I’ll do that bro

Manoj Bembalkar(Juror 7) – Bro? What kind of language these young men use? Uncouth and uncultured

Karan Wadhwa – Talking to me?

Manoj Bembalkar – Better get the Sardar ji and stay quiet, I don’t want to fight.

Suhail Raza(Juror 8) – We hate each other already. Let’s finish this case quickly and get going

Sardar Sukhpal Singh(Juror 9) – I am sorry. I am sorry people. I am a Polyuria patient. I urinate quite frequently.

Karan Wadhwa – So looks like the long day will be longer

Kaypey Chawngthu(Juror 10) – Lets start guys. Someone please take lead?

Deepak Shivhare(Juror 11) – I’ll do that. All of you sit down first and let’s decide how we go about it. Sir please will you wake up? Sir…

Sandeep Nair(Juror 12) – Hey..Yes…I am awake…I was waiting for all of you to settle down

Deepak Shivhare – Okay, so as the judge said that the case is quite simple. It is very clear that the Government has killed democracy. The Opposition could have stopped them but they did nothing, so it’s more of an open and shut case.

Mukesh Jha – true, all evidences testify the facts that Mr. Shivhare announced. So let’s just vote “Guilty” and let’s go back to our respective homes.

Deepak Shivhare – Perfect. Let’s do a voting. I’ll simply call you one by one and you guys have to say guilty and I’ll note your names down. After that we can call the clerk, hand the note to him and call it a day. I start with myself and I say guilty.

Deepak Shivhare –Alright then, Mr. Kaypey Chawngthu?

Kaypey Chawngthu – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Sandeep Nair?

Sandeep Nair – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Sukhpal Singh?

Sardar Sukhpal Singh – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Karan Wadhwa?

Karan Wadhwa – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Manoj Bembalkar?

Manoj Bembalkar – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Suhail Raza?

Suhail Raza – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Mukesh Jha?

Mukesh Jha – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Aftab Anwar?

Aftab Anwar – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Rajiv Pandey?

Rajeev Pandey – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – Mr. Prasanna Venkatesh

Prasanna Venkatesh – Guilty

Deepak Shivhare – And finally Mr. Parijat Ghosh?

Parijat Ghosh – Not Guilty

Sandeep Nair – I had this feeling that someone will ditch us.

Prasanna Venkatesh – And it had to be a bloody Bengali, they think they are the most intellectual race on the planet

Parijat Ghosh – I warn you guys, please don’t fart racism on my face. Did I call you Lungi clad coconut farmers?

Sandeep Nair – Hey Watch it, watch it Bengali

Deepak Shivhare – Guys! Calm down. We have a difference of opinion here. Mr. Ghosh what made you change your mind?

Parijat Ghosh – Just like that. I mean I wanted to discuss about the case

Rajeev Pandey – Discuss about what? The case is clear as a crystal, change your vote

Parijat Ghosh – I won’t

Rajeev Pandey – You’ll have to

Parijat Ghosh – What if I don’t? You can’t force me.

Rajeev Pandey – Oh Of course I can…

Manoj Bembalkar – The UP wallah Goonda is doing what he is best at…hooliganism…

Mukesh Jha – Marathis shouldn’t talk about hooliganism. Everybody knows what Marathis do to hapless labourers from North India

Manoj Bembalkar – Hahaha, I expected the Bihari to join the UP Wallah…nothing new

Kaypey Chawngthu – Guys can you please stop fighting and get back to work?

Karan Wadhwa – The Chinkie is right. Let’s start and finish fast

Kaypey Chawngthu – Excuse me sir, I have a name and I am from Aizwal. I take very strong offence to the word you just you used.

Karan Wadhwa – I am sorry bro, but we call all north eastern fellows Chinkies here in Delhi, Is that a bad word?

Kaypey Chawngthu – Yes it is. Call me by my name. Thank you

Deepak Shivhare – Now that Mr. Ghosh has decided not to go with the popular opinion so we have no other option but to discuss the case

(To be continued)

Image Credits – http://www.marigoldgallery.com

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