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[SATIRE] What after JNU? a sneak peek into Indian Leftists discussion room

Atul Kumar Mishra by Atul Kumar Mishra
12 February 2016
in Satire
Indian Leftists

Indian Leftists

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“So what next folks?” Whispered the fledgling leftist rebel. He wore a Che Guevara T-shirt and a cheerful face. He didn’t possess the solemn visage of a sophisticated left-liberal. His hair wasn’t long, he didn’t wear spectacles. He didn’t smell like a rodent and had no fancies for sling bags. “What do we do now folks?” Aftab the young lefty spoke again.

 

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“First things first boy, stop FOLKING us. We are not folks. We are Indian Leftists, we are called comrades and that’s what you call us. COMRADES. Com because we are communists and red because red is the colour of revolution. COMRADE. Is that clear?” Sayantan the senior lefty blasted. He looked every inch of an Indian leftist. Messy hair, unkempt beard that had more salt than pepper, big horn-rimmed spectacles that to a certain extent accentuated his small lifeless eyes. He wore a khaddar kurta and smelt like a Billy Goat.

 

“Okay okay, Dada Comrade, I get your point, we are Indian leftists. But my point is what do we do next?” Aftab yielded without much of a fight. As a leftist student union leader, He only disrespected the status quo but held the old Indian leftists in high esteem.

 

“Much better. See folks One of our comrades is jailed. Yack about emergency and shit” Sayantan Dada sighed. Underneath his glasses, his eyes winked frantically.

What is happening in JNU? Police on campus, arrests and picking up students from hostels. This had last happened during Emergency.

— Sitaram Yechury (@SitaramYechury) February 12, 2016

No one supports anti-national forces. But targetting innocent students using that as an excuse will prove v costly to Modi govt

— Arvind Kejriwal (@ArvindKejriwal) February 12, 2016

“What should we broadcast? Shall we cleverly target the Modi Government for this dictatorial crackdown on…well…peaceful…protesters?” Asked Fatima, prime time reporter of a leading news channel.

 

“Yes my love, Minimum focus on the anti-India slogans. Don’t be over aggressive but keep dragging the arrest bit. That’s what we Indian Leftists excel at. Bring Rohith Vemula in, Don’t bring Ishrat Jahan, that Headley, one of our own has cheated us and now that old hag from IB…whatshisname…Rajendra has testified too” Old Comrade explained.

 

“Shucks” Said Fatima.

 

“What about our NGOs comrade dada?” Asked Ronjona, whose Bindi covered most of her forehead. “I am broke. I have no money. I went to L’Oréal the other day, they say that they cannot give me the poor and irritated look unless I shell out twenty grands. Is this what we have come to?” Ronjona sobbed inconsolably.

 

“Don’t cry my child, we’ll get some foreign backing…I’ll get you some money to make you look poor again. This Fascist government is killing us. They have sealed our accounts. But big daddies in the US and Europe have pledged support to Indian leftists.” Sayantan Dada consoled.

 

“Okay comrades, give me a cause to revolt against. I have a frigging college union to feed” Aftab’s power of endurance broke down.

 

“Go to FTII, tell them to protest against the ones who were arrested for protesting in JNU. You can join the FTII protests too. I know you know jackshit about cinema but so do they? Or go to Hyderabad and rekindle the Vemula fire” Sayantan Dada excelled at the art of solving problems.

 

“And Fatima, arrange TV debates against the arrests of the JNU Jhola Heroes . And invite Ronjona for a TV debate on this issue. Get her some money from your production house or tell them we’ll protest against them.” Sayantan Dada solved two problems in one go.

 

“Sounds good” Fatima said and Ronjona chuckled.

 

“Beer on me” said Fatima.

 

“I’ll have an Anarchy beer” Said Ronjona.

 

“Me too” said Sayantan

 

“I want Anarchy beer too” said Aftab.

 

“Same here” said Fatima.

 

The waiter served them pints of icy cold Anarchy beers, and over a round of chilled beer began a hot discussion of disruptions, bandhs and dharna.

 

“To Jannatnasheen Afzal Guru” Said Sayantan holding his beer like a trophy.

 

“Viva la Revolucion” said one and all.

Tags: Afzal GuruArvind Kejriwalishrat jahanJNUSitaram Yechury
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