So if you happen to be an Indian Man, please make it a point to read this article till the end. Understand a couple of things, you as an Indian Man are always exposed to the dangers of being branded as an eve teaser, a pervert or a molester. You ride a bike, a girl clicks a picture and poof like that and you become a molester. I know it doesn’t make sense but that’s how it is. Also, the news traders can call you pervert. Yes they can! But not everything is lost. You can follow these easy rules for Indian men and live the rest of your life in a state of perpetual peace and harmony.
Rule number 1 for Indian Men
Don’t look at a woman – The first and foremost rule for men in India is avoiding any kind of visual contact with women. We need to understand that we are creepy and we have no rights to irk a woman by looking at her. Any gaze that lasts for more than 1 hundredth of a nano second qualifies as molestation.
Rule number 2 for Indian Men
Don’t talk to a woman – Men are brash. Remember the rough draft-final specimen analogy about men and women? We are the rough drafts of lord almighty. All (YES ALL) men are lechers and whenever they talk to a woman, sex is on their mind hence as a general rule, do not talk to a woman if you happen to be a man from India.
Rule number 3 for Indian Men
Don’t talk about women – Yes, this is very important. Indirect shaming of the FAIRER sex is sacrilege. Whenever men talk about women, they only talk about molesting them. Hence any talk about women should be avoided.
Rule number 4 for Indian Men
Don’t smile at a woman – You got to understand this. When you smile, you look like an absolute creep. The moment you smile at a woman, you molest her sanity. A woman feels petrified the moment a man smiles. So hey you, cool dude…STOP SMILING NOW!
Rule number 5 for Indian Men
Don’t work with women – Yes come on admit it, you don’t have work on your mind when you have females around you. You keep hatching plans about molesting them. The females in your organization have every right to get you sacked, the moment they feel like it. Guess what, you earned it.
Rule number 6 for Indian Men
Don’t live in a society where women live – Sexist men of India have no rights to live in a society where women live because harassing women is always on their minds. Hence, please do not live in a society where women live.
Rule number 7 for Indian Men
Always offer women seats in public transport even when you are unwell – Or even amputated for that matter. Not offering women seats qualifies as sexual harassment of women.
Rule number 8 for Indian Men
When the bus conductor applies sudden brakes, jump out of the gate instead of accidentally brushing a woman – Very Very important. You just can’t let your hairy smelly body brush against the delicate artwork of god. That’s a grave offense. Accidental brushing against a woman is an unpardonable offense and you qualify as a molester instantly. So please mind the gap.
This is a work of satire and is not supposed to be taken seriously! Note: Credits to the rightful owners of the photographs that we have uses. If you are the rightful owner, please drop a mail to admin@tfipost.com and we’ll add the attribution accordingly.
This article is supposed to be a satire, but I find it hard to laugh after reading it. It is true that even in urban areas we have discrimination against women (female foeticide, dowry etc) and there are specific laws against it. But the laws do not provide safeguard against reverse discrimination. If a female files a false dowry case, there is no action against her, still the boy and his family has to suffer.
Media just stereotypes everything. It always assume that there are permanent victims which are women, dalits (ST/SC/OBCs), minority religion, poor and protesters (labelled as krantikaris) and there are permanent offenders which are men, upper caste, Hindus, rich and police respectively. They will only show discrimination from one side but completely ignore reverse discrimination.
Mishra applying his Bihari logic and Bihari level of Sarcasm….. Mishra I hope you follow all these rules, and still buff the banana in the night…
A satire, but every bit a TRUTH.
How can the bus conductor apply the brakes? Is that a part of the satire, or an error?
The incident to which this post refers is has become what it is due to the lack of scrutiny from our online community, they hardly ask valid questions before seeing such a story on a media platform, they accept it from the face value.
And our media having nothing better to do starts putting words in people’s mouth, the same kind of thing that your article is doing here, the women are still oppressed and suppressed in major part of our country and you my dear sir by writing such articles is creating an environment of male-female animosity and helping a cause for more suppression.
Now you will say this was just satire, but this is cool and fun within a group of friends, you understand within yourself that you didn’t mean it, you laugh and move on. But this my friend is a public platform. Be careful of what you sow in the mind of the readers!