[AN IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: – The views expressed herein by the author are completely related to the film, and he intends to offend the sentiments of the folks who blindly follow superstars without counting the flaws that are detrimental to their star’s own progress. Nothing is fictional, if there is anything, it is purely coincidental. Neither the author nor his words aim to talk sweet. Readers with an eye for critical journalism can stay here, rest can buzz off with love.]
Having recovered well from his wounds, sustained after trying to emulate the ideals of Kangana Ranaut against nepotism, courtesy his honest review of Half Girlfriend, our Rightlog.in’s ultra-secular journalist Gurmeet Shankar Khan is back in action. Distraught by the overhyped coverage of Shah Rukh Khan’s new film, Jab Harry Met Sejal over genuine creations like ‘Raag Desh’ and ‘Gurgaon the Film’, he decided to review the film himself. Himself a diehard Imtiaz fan, Gurmeet Bhai, keeping in with his ultra-secular tradition, booked the first day, last show ticket. Here’s what happened next, in the very words of Gurmeet himself: –
[Burping out well after galloping two samosas in a whiff] Thanks dear for this spicy compensation, it’s still better than the film I’ve endured again. I thought after surviving Half Girlfriend and the nepotism agents that it couldn’t get worse. But oh, the expectations, they’re bound fail to you when you seriously don’t want them to. If a fan can sue his idol, I’ll sue Imtiaz bhai in the Supreme Court for outraging the sentiments of millions of Indians, who are diehard fans of his creations and his charisma. Don’t expect any sympathy for SRK, for he again chose a wrong script. Why, please tell me Ishwar, God, Allah, Wahe Guru, why?
I swear by the name of Nana Patekar, SRK with this film has reminded his fans, including his exes like me, of the ironic dialogue, ‘Aa gaye meri maut ka tamasha dekhne?’ [So, you have arrived to see the mockery of my death, eh?] I know he is a big superstar and a diehard romantic, but I also know him as the risk taker, who won’t hesitate to switch from a simpleton to a chocolate boy, and with equal ease into a wicked, lusty lover, as he did in ‘Darr’. I even saw his best avatar in films like ‘Swades’, ‘Chak De! India’, ‘Dear Zindagi’ to name a few. Why can’t he bring back that SRK in himself now?
Don’t get me talking on how when Imtiaz met Shahrukh, disaster happened. I should have learnt the lessons, when the mini trails came up. Then, the songs, which surprised me as to how bad they were. None of them were even close to being hummable, none of them. Even Arijit is extremely boring in the so called dance number ‘Beech Beech Mein’ [Wiping his tears and blowing his nose, in the same hanky, Gurmeet continues] I know EDM artists are the new cool, but what the hell was Diplo doing with SRK in ‘Phurr’ ? This is like that one childhood moment you certainly don’t wish to share with everybody, and I MEAN IT!
Here a few things that are enough to describe, what is exactly wrong with JAB HARRY MET SEJAL, and the industry that promotes such films [But the industry is for another day!]
If I may translate the ever respected saint, Shri Shri Chatur Ramalingam’s golden words on stereotyping, I’d quote a one sentence review for Jab Harry Met Sejal , ‘Stereotyping ki Ganga bahane koi inse seekhe, seekhe inse, seekhe!’ [Someone should learn from them to create a Ganges of stereotyping] Mere Punjab aur Gujarat ke Bhaiyyo aur Bahano (To be read in Modi Ji’s accent), if you have some respect for yourself, please don’t watch this movie at all. You’ll go straight to the court for the case from the hall after watching it.
Only a couple of weeks ago, a show came up ‘Pehredaar Piya Ki’, where a 10-year-old boy fell in love and married a 25 year old girl. Oh, the outrage created against it. But here, a 51 year old guy gawking and ogling at a girl almost half his age throughout the movie is absolutely, and so is the girl feeling cool on being abducted by a group of buggers in a location like Prague. Did I hear that right? Being kidnapped is cool abroad? Had this been the same in a place like Jhajjar or Lakhimpur, notice the wave of feminists coming after Imtiaz for such a sacrilege. So, being kidnapped and possibly heckled or sexually assaulted is cool abroad and not in India, eh?
This is not all. The way SRK and the Queen of overacting [I can’t humiliate the daughter of an Army officer by her name] have conspired with Imtiaz to botch up a movie, that could’ve been a sixer off the park like the one Virender Sehwag delivers. As our guru, Surya ji observed, ‘the doting father (SRK) has claimed that he will rip the lips off anyone who dares kisses his daughter Suhana.
Though, the self-preaching hasn’t stopped a 51yr old SRK kiss Anushka (half his age) in his latest mind rot Jab Harry met Sejal
How these stars manage with such hypocrisy, I wonder. To speak the truth, our guru isn’t wrong either. These stars have mistaken our benevolence for our innocence, and think that they can serve any crap in the name of entertainment. But boss, this year, neither Raees nor Tubelight survived the onslaught of the public, and SRK thought he could fool the public again? As Ghalib miyan said, Dil behlane ko, yeh Khyaal Achcha Hai! [For pleasing your heart, this thought is good]
I think that our Honb. PM Narendra Modi should issue a gallantry award in 2017 for those folks who’ve survived the likes of Raabta, OK Jaanu, Half Girlfriend, and now Jab Harry Met Sejal. Our brave hearts really need some recommendation from the secular government, and in the name of Wahe Guru, Allah, Ram and Jesus, I will make sure Modi ji carries this notification out.