Naseeruddin Shah: Stupid Common Terrorist Apologist

There is a section amongst the Indian intelligentsia which romanticizes with the terrorists, Maoists and insurgents. Film directors like Vishal Bhardwaj and Mahesh Bhatt, Self-styled freethinkers like Arundhati Roy and eminent lawyers like Prashant Bhushan, from time to time, have expressed their solidarity and even sympathy with insurgents. Leftists and liberals of India have been spotted protesting against police and army. This indulgence, this understanding and this soft spot that we have in us for the the terrorists has been capitalized by the terrorists who live on our soils and conspire against us.

Mahesh Bhatt signed a petition to save Yakub. Shatrughan Sinha signed a petition to save Yakub but I was particularly heartbroken when I saw Naseeruddin Shah joining the bandwagon of terrorist apologists. I have been a big fan of Mr. Shah and this was least expected from him.

Hence as an ardent fan and a staunch nationalist, I rip his ‘reel’ avatar apart by giving it a ‘real’ touch!

TFI : Sorry, main kuchh samjha nahi.
Naseeruddin Shah : Aapke ghar mein cockroach aata hai toh aap kya karte hain, TFI Saahab? Aap usko maarte nahi, paalte hain. Yeh teeno cockroach mera ghar ganda kar rahe the, do bhaag gaye, mai is aakhiri waale ko bacha raha hoon
TFI : Tum…Tum ho kaun?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Main woh hoon jo aaj Movies me badi badi baatein karta hoon. Main woh hoon jo Deshbhakti ke naam pe karodo kamaata hoon. Mai wo hoon jo acting ke dum pe national awards paata hoon, aur mai wo bhi hoon jo ek terrorist ko latakne se bachata hoon. I am just a stupid common terrorist apologist!

TFI : Aaj achanak yeh stupid common terrorist apologist kaise jaag gaya? Woh bhi petition ke saath.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Kyun, jaag gaya toh taqleef ho rahi hai? Zindagi bhar ghut-ghutke marte rahna chahiye tha mujhe? Aur yeh achanak nahi hua, TFI Saahab. Yun samajhiye ki time nahi mila. Roji-roti ke chakkar mein yeh kaam zara neglect ho gaya. Lekin der aaye, durust aaye. Woh baaki ka 1 cockroach mere saath hi rahega.

TFI : Yeh 3 hi kyun? Aur bhi toh hain.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Maine lottery nikaali thi. In teeno ka naam nikal aaya. 2 bhaag gaye, isko to bachaake rahunga

TFI : Tum yeh keh rahe ho ki agar humne is 1 Yakub ko bacha liya toh tum aage se petitions nahi karoge?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Arey! Baakiyon ke liye bhi karengey, TFI Saahab. Aaj nahi toh kal. Aur Yakub Memon jaise logo ko hi bahchayengey. Kisi ne train udaaya tha, kisi ne cinemaghar to kisi ne stock exchange. Abhi ise bachayenge fir kisi aur ko Aur tab tak bachaate rahenge jab tak hum inko insaaf dena nahi seekhenge.

TFI : Tum ho kya?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Matlab?

TFI : Matlab, Hindu ho, Musalmaan ho, kya ho?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Mere majhab ka isse kuchh lena-dena nahi hai. Terrorism has no religion!

TFI : Lena-dena hai.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Maine kaha na, I’m just the stupid common terrorist apologist.

TFI : stupid common terrorist apologist?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Right!

TFI : Tumhe dar lag raha hai twitter pe pilne kaa, Facebook pe Jaleel hone kaa?

NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Shayad.

TFI : Be specific. Haan ya na?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Haan!

TFI : Toh fir yeh dar yaad rakhna. Aur yeh mat sochna ki tum stupid common terrorist apologist ka jhanda dikhakar bach jaoge. Tum jo saabit kar rahe ho na, woh…
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Main saabit kuchh nahi karna chahta, TFI Saahab. Main sirf aapko yaad dilana chahta hoon ki logon mein gussa bahut hai. Unhe aajmaana band kijiye. We are resilient by force, not by choice. Aapko bebas karne mein mujhe sirf 1 petition laga. Aapko kya lagta hai ki jo log humein maarte hain, woh insaan nahi hain? Arey! Internet par “mercy petition” type karke search maariye. 352 sites milenge ki mercy petition kaise draft kiya jaata hai, kya-kya clauses ka istemaal hota hai. Saara information aasaani se accessible hai, mufat mein. Aap jaante hain ki har leftist 1 potential terrorist apologist hai, eh? Mujhe lagta hai ki India ke liye isse jyada useful vichaardhaara aaj tak nahi bani. Galti hamari hai, hum log bahut jaldi used-to ho jaate hain. 1 aisa haadsa hota hai toh channel badal-badalke saara maajra dekh liya, SMS kiya, phone kiya, shukar manaya ki hum log bach gaye aur fir hum us situation se ladne ke bajaaye, uske saath adjust karna shuru kar dete hain. Par hamari bhi majboori hai na? Humein ghar chalana hota hai, Saahab. Isiliye hum sarkaar chunte hain ki woh mulk chalaye. Aap log, sarkaar, police force, intelligence saksham hain is tarah ke bachaav abhiyaan ke liye lekin aap log kar nahi rahe hain, sirf fansi diye ja rahe hain, eh? Why are you not saving the terrorists? 1 aadmi gunehgaar hai ya nahi, isko saabit karne ke liye aapko 10 saal lag jaate hain. Aapko nahi lagta ki yeh aapki qaabiliyat par sawaal hai? Yeh saara naatak band hona chahiye. This whole bloody system is flawed. Aap jaise log in keedon ko nahi bachaayenge toh humein zimmedari uthani hogi lekin kya usse hamari is civilized society ka balance bigad jayega lekin kya karein? TFI Saahab, mujhe yakeen hai ki jo faansi ka faisla hua, woh sirf 1 judicial activity nahi thi. Woh 1 bahut bada sawaal tha. Aur woh sawaal yeh tha ki : Bhai, hum toh tumhe aise hi latkaayengey? Yes, they asked us this question. On a Friday. Repeated it on Tuesday. I’m just replying on a Monday.

TFI : Tumhari yeh home-made add-salt-to-taste wali philosophy galat hai. Yeh sahi tareeka nahi hai.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Haan, jaanta hoon. Lekin aaj main tareeke ke baare mein nahi, nateeje ke baare mein soch raha hoon.

TFI : Tumhara koi jaan-pehchaan wala fansa tha is blast case mein?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Kyun, mujhe us din ka intezaar karna chahiye jab mera koi apna bewajah is tarah ki jaleel maut mare? Tab mera yeh kadam aapko jaayaj maloom hoga? Haan, jaanna hi toh suniye. Mera apna koi tha shayad us train mein. 20-21 saal ka tha. Naam nahi jaanta main uska. Har roj milta tha first class mein. Faatak pe latak ke, muskura ke, haath hila ke hello kehta tha. Main bhi usko jawaab mein hello kehta tha. Aise bahut saare log the. Ek-dusre ko naam se nahi jaante the, sirf hello se jaante the. Haadse se 1 roj pehle, usne muskurake mujhe apni engagement ring dikhayi thi. He was very happy. Agle roj mai blast site pe nahi gaya. Main bach gaya par woh nahi bach paya. Use Police ne pakad liya. Uske baad jab main site pe gaya toh meri jaan-pehchaan ka koi nahi tha. Sab naye chehre the.

TFI : Toh yeh sab tum un purane chehron ke liye kar rahe ho?
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Nahi, nahi, nahi. Main itna bhi emotional ya sentimental nahi hoon. I always knew what loss is. Apno ko marte huye dekha hai maine. Lekin Saahab, yeh acceptable nahi hai. Koi maadar…Pardon my language. Lekin koi ma****d fansi pe latkakar yeh faisla nahi karega ki Yakub ko kab marna hai. Unhe fakhra hai Mumbai attacks pe, Godhra train burning pe, 9/11 pe. Mujhe fakhra hai khud pe ki main aise logon ko bacha raha hoon. Main koi maseeha nahi hoon, TFI Saahab. Aur yeh main kisi ke liye nahi, sirf apne liye kar raha hoon. Main chahta hoon ki agar mera bachcha ghar se baahar nikle toh bekhauf bomb phode kahin bhi, kabhi bhi. Train mein, bus mein, kahin bhi.

TFI : Main tumhe samajh nahi pa raha hoon.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Kyunki mere reasons aur meri demand ajeeb si hai na?

TFI : Shayad.
NASEERUDDIN SHAH : Be definite. Haan ya na?

TFI : Haan.

This is a work of satire and is not supposed to be taken seriously!