To my friend Sushant,
Dear Sushant, I hope you are happy wherever you are. Whenever I thought about you, I never saw the star. I saw the tall lanky boy who always had trouble articulating. You were a fantastic friend Sushant. I remember that cycle race we had from Boring Road to Sanjay Gandhi Jaivik Udyan, Patna. I remember countless group study sessions that we used to have at my home where I taught you English and Biology to the group and you taught us Physics. I remember my mom especially cooking food for you because your mother had left for her heavenly abode by then. I could see the gratitude and thankfulness in your eyes. Sushant, you were wonderful and now that you are no more, I feel a void in my life.
Sushant, I disagreed with your politics. I absolutely hated it when you dropped Rajput from your name. But only us, the friends knew that it was never a part of your name. You were simply Sushant Singh for the world and Gulshan for us all. Sushant I also hated it when you did a movie like Kedarnath. But now when I go through your timeline mate, see your responses, and the various reports that are coming in, I realize the kind of duress you were under. The Bollywood Mafia made you say things you probably didn’t even mean. I am truly sorry for being angry my friend. You have always been a religious man with a scientific temperament. It clearly shows in your Insta and Twitter feed.
Sushant, I know you were made to feel like an outsider in an industry full of star kids. Sushant, I know you were denied of the success that you truly deserved. Sushant, I know that you were anything but a weakling. You have stood up to bullying in school. We have fought each other and fought together; I just hope we had stayed in touch. Maybe, it wouldn’t have come to this. Maybe, we could have fought one last fight together against the nepotism driven industry.
In the past 9 years that we stopped talking, I have loathed and loved you, I have mocked and missed you, I have felt ashamed and proud of you. Now that you are no more, I feel sorry for loathing and mocking and feeling ashamed of you. Now that you are gone, I miss you, love you and I am proud of you. We will race again my friend someday. We will sit again someday. We will eat together again someday. We will discuss what went wrong for you. In the Next world or next life, we will meet again.
Until then. I will miss you.
Atul Kumar Mishra
