There are rare instances in life, when incessant tortures make a better human out of oneself. Call it fortunately or unfortunately, but our recent discovery has gone through such ordeals. From sitting through tortuous stuff shown in the name of classics and masterpieces, to having braved the worst of all talents across the world, our tfipost.com’s ultra-secular journalist, Gurmeet Shankar Khan has faced it all. Yet, he refuses to give up, and this time he took up a huge challenge for himself: watching Half Girlfriend right in the cinema hall.
Our journalist was a bit low already, having been struck by the exam bomb and the tortuous video of a self-proclaimed starlet, Dhinchak Pooja, Gurmeet bhai, who hates depression as much as our Muslim sisters hate triple talaq, decided to go for an anti-depressant. I know, Half Girlfriend isn’t the best way to drive away depressive emotions and thoughts, but on an honest note, it’s so bad that it’s actually good. Do have a look at one of the most honest reviews of Half Girlfriend by our ultra-secular Gurmeet bhai, who doesn’t brush before taking the National Pledge:-
Gurmeet Bhai:-
Namaste, Adab, Sat Sri Akal and Hello everyone! Myself Gurmeet Shankar Khan. I decided to take up the Half Girlfriend challenge today at the ex-Manchester of India, Kanpur. [After spitting a dozen pan leaves and gobbling four samosas] I must say that I’m a diehard fan of Mohit Suri. His films, whether good or bad, have a very lovely jukebox, the one thing girls really pine for. Add to that a beautiful face as a peppy, jovial girl [again Shashi Tharoor, bad habit], and a brooding, half Devdas type hero mostly, and bingo, there you get a perfect recipe for a romantic movie. If there was an Oscar for slow mo romances, I’m dead sure that our Mohit Bhaijaan would’ve swept that award away in a jiffy.
Booking a gold class ticket [my first blunder] at Rave 3, I decided to see how Mohit Suri would bring the pages of Chetan Bhagat’s magnum opus [my mistake, I shouldn’t have given this title] ‘Half Girlfriend’ to life. The trailer was roasted alike, both by fans and critics, and I’m the first person to go by the dictum ‘Do Not Judge a Book by Its Cover’. I decided to see for myself if my Indian brothers and sisters were actually right. Unfortunately, like always, they were. Someone said right, ‘Yeh Public hai, Sab Jaanti Hai’ [This is the public, they know everything]
Half an hour into the movie, I should’ve realized that I shouldn’t have watched this movie at all. I’d already faced the torture of a screwed up marksheet and the atrocious ‘Selfie Maine Le Li Aaj’ by Dhinchak Pooja. But ‘Half Girlfriend’ was at a different level altogether. Almost forty five minutes later, my mind registered a simple fact that even if this movie survives a thousand copies, those should be further reproduced, as this would be the best way to bring down the terrorists from across the border, without even wasting a precious penny. Millions of rupees will be saved, apart from millions of lives, so bad this movie is actually. Apart from music, this movie is the best bomb that can exterminate the threat named ISIS, trust me.
Imagine a huge cauldron, rusted with years of musicals and romantic crap. Add the oil of big banner cinema and boil it heavily. Drop the main ingredients, which include the following:-
- A kilogram of nepotism [750g. lewd Madhav Arjun Kapoor and 250 g. morose Riya ‘Shraddha’ Kapoor]
- ½ kg. of marinated Chetan Bhagat script
- 2 teaspoons of cringe worthy dialogues
- 3 tablespoons of unnecessary reflexes and New York poses
- 2 tablespoons of melodious Arijit Singh
- 1 teaspoon of Vikrant Massey [I’ll come back to him later]
- Tried and tested romantic salt as per taste
Congratulations, you have prepared one of the most cringe worthy Indian movies of all time, named ‘Half Girlfriend’. Seriously, for once, Chetan Bhagat has achieved a significant reward. For the first time, ever, his own book is much better than the movie adaptation of the same [Thank you Sorabh bhai, for the sweet references].
Half Girlfriend, to be honest, is a tale of how to capture a girl, regardless of her consent [Seems Mohit bhaijaan never knew a film like ‘Pink’ was ever made]. How can someone be so pathetic, so as to follow a girl all over the world, who has faked her death, just to get away from jerky nerds like Madhav Jha? Worse, when one gets a better girlfriend than the glossy, plastic doll Madhav pursued, he doesn’t accept her!
I hail from Varanasi, and my mother’s relatives come from Bihar, but the way they’ve portrayed Bihar here looks as if the writer never went out of South Bombay, and took some Google snapshots to recreate the enigma of Bihar. How much will Bollywood stoop for this? And the whole movie cost 35 crores to make it? Wasting 35 crores on a movie, which is already an adaptation of a pathetic book by Chetan Bhagat, is cool for mainstream Hindi cinema? For me, the best moment of the movie was when the credits rolled up, and the exit gates were opened. I’m glad I survived that horror of a movie named Half Girlfriend.
How fake this movie is my friends, you can judge by the simple fact, that despite having actors like Arjun and Shraddha Kapoor, the movie makers couldn’t manage the original Bill Gates, substituting him with a cheap version of himself. If a case was ever filed against Half Girlfriend,
If there was a gallantry award for surviving and showing your talent in the face of incredulous horror, Vikrant Massey would’ve won it hands down. He was the only person who made Half Girlfriend worth watching as the true blue Bihari friend of Madhav, Shailesh. I wish, if they had swapped their roles in the beginning, the movie would’ve been a different classic altogether.
