Yawn, this Indian Olympics team is so over-rated darling’ drawled the ageing socialite in a faux American accent, while trying to arch her heavily botoxed eyebrows.
‘What do you mean, ma’am?’ I asked.
‘You know the goal of team India at Olympics. Rio jao, selfie lo, khali haath wapas aa jao. What a waste of money and opportunity’, she sneered showing off her freshly bleached horse-like teeth.
‘And may I ask what has been YOUR contribution to Indian sports?’
‘Don’t be silly darling. I am an expert in so many Olympics disciplines, did you not know that?
The lady asked, as she applied the thirtieth coat of foundation to mask the wrinkles on her skin despite the multiple plastic surgeries.
‘Oh really?’ I asked incredulously.
‘Of course, your Deepa Karmakar may do a perfect Produnova, but can she EVER do ideological somersaults like me?
The socialite purred, showing off her lip fillers.
‘Hmm’, I remarked ‘And what else can you do?’ ‘As you know, I am often found with both my feet lodged firmly inside my mouth. Doesn’t that make me a better gymnast than Deepa?’
The diva blushed, as much as her cheek implants would allow her to.
‘What else?’ I asked.
‘Oh, I can shoot myself in my own foot. Multiple times. Regularly. Beat that Abhinav Bindra’, the lady sneered.
‘Wow, gymnastics AND shooting! I am impressed. Tell me more ma’am.’
‘I can score more self-goals than every player in your men’s and women’s hockey team combined’. She said.
‘Er, that’s true actually’. I agreed.
‘I know sailing as well, you know. See, every time you feel I have exhausted my quota of stupidity and crassness, I get my second wind’.
’That is impressive’, I said.
‘Pooh, that’s nothing. I am an expert in Judo, you see, I always hit below the belt’.
‘Yes ma’am that you do’ I said, fervently agreeing with her.
The ageing socialite pouted as she sipped her flute of champagne.
‘And then there is boxing. No matter how many times I am ridiculed on twitter, I never throw in the towel’.
‘Wow, we should have sent just you to Rio’ I said. ‘But how about tennis? Don’t tell me you are not an expert in that?’
‘Oh, baby, how can I forget tennis?’ Simpered the ageing socialite. ‘But for that I need sexy Raghu as my coach. Because then the score would always be love all!’