“Calm Down, Calm Down” A reticent Sumitra Mahajan squeaked.
“Thank you speaker Madam…so I was saying…” Mallikarjuna Khadge began his monologue again amidst roars of laughter from the NDA benches.
“Madam Speaker… Chapter XIII, point number 170 of Rules of Procedure and Conduct of Business in Lok Sabha clearly states that In order that a resolution may be admissible, it shall be clearly and precisely expressed, it shall raise substantially one definite issue and shall not contain arguments or defamatory statements. Further it shall not refer to the conduct or character of persons except in their official or public capacity and it shall not relate to any matter which is under adjudication by a court of law hence Madam Speaker, I once again request you to admit the resolution to allocate a nice and cosy sleeping room in parliament for Yuvraj” Khadge finished his address and looked defiantly on the NDA benches.
There was a sullen silence in the room, like a lull before thunderstorm. And then house erupted with laughter again. Oddly Jyotiradiyta Scindia was seen guffawing too.
“Silence…” Sumitra Mahajan appealed for calm again
“Yuvraj ji yahan kaam karne aate hain ki sone aate hain” Giriraj Singh, BJP MP from Nawada asked.
“I think the standard of debates in this sanctum of democracy is going down with each passing day. Giriraj Ji, do you think Rahul Gandhi doesn’t deserve a good sleep. Do you even know how many Pad Yatras has he done? How many Dalit houses has he visited? STANDING UP AND CHALLENGING EVERYTHING…Do you have a speck of remorse you wretched first time MP?” Kamal Nath, Congress MP from Chhindwara rebuked angrily.
“Arrey Baba…we totally understand that Yuvraj has done a lot of selfless service for his family, but why sleep in the Parliament…The Family has its palatial mansions and cosy bedrooms…Yuvraj can sleep whole day, whole night…we don’t give a damn” Anurag Thakur, BJP MP from Hamirpur presented a counter.
“There is a logic here…which you guys have totally failed to comprehend, allow me to elucidate. First thing is that Yuvraj never sleeps. Do you guys even use computers? Yuvraj is blessed with a sleep mode control which he can invoke whenever he wishes. Yuvraj’s sleep mode is basically a power-saving state that is…you know…similar to pausing a video. Yuvraj may appear dead to the world but his subconscious is fully active and he can quickly resume normal, full-power operation within a few seconds” Gourav Gogoi, Congress’s Young gun quickly jumped to his bestie’s guard.
“Mother of all logic I tell you” Jyotiraditya squeaked and guffawed again…he was met with a glowering stare from Queen Mother and he stopped smiling in a wink.
“I just want to add one more point to what Gogoi ji already said…Yuvraj rocks…that’s all madam lady” Deepinder Singh Hooda was more precise and clearly more on-the-face.
“I think Yuvraj should present his argument as well…” Jyotiraditya announced with a sheepish grin.
“Heh! This was not a part of the script Scindia…What have you done?” Kharge whispered to Scindia who was beaming again. Oye Amarinder Singh…Go fetch Yuvraj from the last bench…he is snoozing there”. Punjab Congress CM Candidate darted to the last bench. Yuvraj got up in a jiffy and Gogoi smiled a triumphant smile. His Sleep Mode theory stood validated.
“Speaker Sir” Yuvraj began
“Madam” Someone from the NDA benches corrected
“Madam…Madam…Mai RSS ka Nahi hoon…Mai Galtiyaan karta hoon” Rahul Gandhi was back to his original awesome self.
“Madam Speaker…This morning, I woke up, at night. And I realized sleep is just a state of mind. It does not mean scarcity of consciousness. If India wants to be the 21st century’s Saudi Arabia in terms of human resources, it needs to sleep. If Gujarat wants to become bigger than the United Kingdom, it needs to sleep. If India wants to become bigger than Europe and the United States put together, it needs to sleep. Sleep follows you everywhere Madam Speaker, Sleep is everywhere… it is in your shirt… in your pants… Everywhere. Seven out of 10 youths in Punjab have a Sleep problem. Two out of one children are suffering from sleep problems in Gujarat. If we need to produce Steve Jobs of Microsofts, we all need to effing sleep” Yuvraj finished his speech.
NDA MPs were too dazed to act in response.
Jyotiraditya was finally rolling on the floor laughing. He didn’t care for glowering stares from Queen Mother anymore. Kamal Nath and Tharoor quietly walked out. Kharge complained of chest pain. And queen Mother quietly sulked in the corner.
“For the benefit of the house and so that we don’t have to bother ourselves with such awesome nuggets of wisdom again, I admit the motion” Sumitra Mahajan responded.
“Rahul Gandhi snatches victory from a belligerent opposition, is he finally ready for ascension?” NDTV Tweeted.