We were perplexed too when we got to watch the 9 minute long video in which Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal said that Prime Minister Narendra Modi and the BJP chief Amit Shah can stoop so low that they can get him and his party members assassinated in political vendetta. Isn’t that a bit too much? Can Modi actually kill Kejriwal?
With these questions in our mind, we went to meet the leading journalists of India to get their response on this episode. Here’s what we got:
Ravish Kumar: Yes, Kejriwal’s fears are not off beam. Modi can kill Kejriwal. This is India after all, this is the land of discrimination, this is the land of oppression, and this is the land of racism. Here any Tom Dick and Harry can ask anyone about their Jaati and humiliate them about it.
TFI Correspondent: Sir, but you but you are quite infamous for your “Kaun Jaat ho” acts yourself
Ravish Kumar: That’s not the point I am trying to make, I am trying to tell you that it is entirely possible that Modi might actually murder Kejriwal.
TFI Correspondent: And why do you think so?
Ravish Kumar: you ask why do I think so? Have you not heard of upper caste oppression you racist dimwit? Upper caste Modi can kill lower caste Kejriwal and no one will bat an eyelid!
TFI Correspondent: But Modi is an OBC and Kejriwal an upper caste Baniya. You are completely wrong on facts.
Ravish Kumar: Oh man…Kejriwal is Aam Aadmi Party Chief, BSP sold some Dalit Rights Shares to him and Modi is the PM from BJP, the number one Anti-Dalit outfit. Do you FRIGGINN get it?
TFI Correspondent: Wow Sound logic sir…almost as logical as your blackout drama that night.
Ravish Kumar Punches TFI Correspondent: I HATE AGGRESSIVE JOURNALISM…SOMEBODY GET HIM OUTTTA MAAH SIGHT
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Barkha Dutt: Yes…I repeat…Modi can kill Kerjiwal
TFI Correspondent: But why do you say so ma’am?
Barkha Dutt: Because Modi loves killing. Look how he is slaying innocent Kashmiris.
TFI Correspondent: Those innocent guys throw petrol bombs and stones at Security forces, many of them even shoot real bullets. What do you want the security forces to do? Prostrate and get trampled by them.
Barkha Dutt: Oh so you one of those Indian Army fanboys…Shut up will you…Modi killed Burhan…that innocent son of the headmaster. And Modi just doesn’t like killing people, do you know he killed the reputation of the journalists by appearing in that joke of a show with that joker of a journalist Arnab Goswami? If Modi can kill reputations, what’s Kejriwal’s life?
TFI Correspondent Giggles
Barkha Dutt: Why are you giggling like an hyena?
TFI Correspondent: Ma’am, I must appreciate your confidence, you said Modi killed your reputation…which in other words means that you had some before Modi appeared in that joke of a show with that joker of a journalist Arnab Goswami
Barkha Dutt: GET OUT OF HERE and LET ME CRY SOME MORE
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Rajdeep Sardesai: Kejriwal is a Luccha, an idiot
TFI Correspondent: I don’t entirely disagree sir but why this change of tune
Rajdeep Sardesai: See buddy…I used to be the most hated Twitter celeb and now Kejriwal is the uncrowned king of “Sabse Hated Kaun” game. This cussing, this swearing, this namecalling, all of this gives me a high bro…but looks like these are Kejriwal’s poisons too and he has become a frigging pro at getting trolled
TFI Correspondent: So you squarely deny that Modi can kill Kejriwal or rather won’t kill him
Rajdeep Sardesai: Oh! Absolutely…This is another Kejriwal drama…This conman wants to rid Modi of other charges and shift the spotlight on himself
TFI Correspondent: Which other charges?
Rajdeep Sardesai: 2002 you idiot
And Dear Reader this is a satire piece and however true it might sound, this has got nothing to do with reality