Click here for Part 1: Kejriwal, a Real Aam Aadmi and Old Monk – Part 1
“But sir, didn’t you promise to make Delhi safe, if the CM is scared what about citizens of Delhi” I enquired.
“ This is all Modi’s fault, only if he gives us Delhi police, then I will show what I can do , Modi is to be blamed” he replied.
“ But before elections didn’t you tell Sheila Dixit was responsible for Delhi’s safety , you didn’t blame the center then” I enquired.
“No srikanth, I didn’t say such thing, if you want ask Rajdeep here” Kejriwal said pointing at Rajdeep. Rajdeep immediately nodded his head in support.
“The media has to be blamed for spreading false news especially, that’s why sir we must only see NDTV for the most authentic coverage” Rajdeep replied.
I didn’t look convinced.
“If you don’t trust Rajdeep, search it online” Kejriwal said.
“Sir, I have been trying to connect to free Wi-Fi from the last 3 months I have been in Delhi , I couldn’t find any free Wi-Fi” I replied.
“There must be something wrong with your phone” said Rajdeep.
“No there is nothing wrong with my phone, it’s a brand new iphone” I replied.
Kejriwal sat there silently for a minute. He then whispered in my ear . “Modi has hacked into Delhi Wi-Fi”
“But that’s insane sir, do you have any substantial proof” I asked him. He didn’t reply.
“There I have tweeted it” he said and showed me the tweet Modi and Sushma Swaraj hacking Delhi WI-Fi #CyberSaffronTerror
“But sir, this tweet doesn’t make any sense, Sushma Swaraj is External affairs minister, Mr. Ravi Shankar Prasad is the IT minister” I replied.
“My tweet my wish” Kejriwal replied.
“ Sir me and my wife have already liked and re-tweeted your tweet” said Rajdeep.
“Sir, you didn’t tweet about Malda riots or recent terror attacks in Paris, US and Bangladesh but now you using the term #CyberSaffronTerror , this is hypocrisy” I asked him.
“ Srikanth, Owaisi just re-tweeted me this is awesome, he click my picture “ he said and gave me his phone.
He took out a skull cap from his man-purse and kept it on his head. He smiled a 100 watt smile. I clicked his picture.
“ Advance Eid Mubarak Owaisi Bhai” he replied to the tweet with his latest picture.
“Sir, why are you carrying a skull cap in your bag” I asked him.
“Oh I carry a lot of things in my bag. This is the flower cap I wear when I go to Goa, This is the Halloween costume I wear when I go to Arundathi Roy’s home, this is the Pakistani flag I carry when I go to JNU” he replied.
“ Sir, #CyberSaffronTerroris trending on Twitter” Rajdeep said sounding excited.
“Sir you didn’t answer my previous question on Terrorism” I asked him.
“Sir, stop with these political questions, I am from Delhi . I don’t care what happens in India or abroad.”
“ Rajdeep get one more round of drinks and prawns” Kejriwal shouted.
“But aren’t you a vegetarian?” I asked him.
“Only when I am doing Vipassana meditation” he replied.
“ That’s awesome sir, even you are into Yoga. How come you never tweeted on world yoga day” I replied.
“How dare you, associate me with yoga” he shouted on me.
“But sir, Vipassana is a form of yoga” I replied.
“Yoga is against religious beliefs” he replied.
“Whose religious beliefs” I asked him.
He didn’t reply. He was busy tweeting. He showed me his latest tweet.
Met a young man. Convinced him Vipassana is not yoga. Delhi will celebrate #June21 as #WorldVipassanaDay.
“But sir, June 21 is world yoga day” I replied.
“Don’t worry, Nitish,Mulayam, Laloo and separatists will join me in celebrating June21st as world Vipassana day.” He replied.
My head started spinning listenening to kejriwal.
“Wow see this. Yasin Mailk has re-tweeted me” he replied.
“Rajdeep, get the bloody food fast else you won’t get you tip” Kerjiwal shouted .
Rajdeep came running .” five minutes sir” he said.
“Ok sir, lets discuss movies then” I replied.
“Hell yeah, I love movies” he replied.
“Why didn’t you post review of Conjuring 2 sir” I asked him.
“You see Srikanth ,Modi has a tsunami of Bhakts unleashed on me, they keep trolling my genuine movie reviews” he replied.
“But sir, trolls are everywhere they even troll KRK’s movie reviews, you are just obsessed with Modi” I answered.
“Have you seen Udta Punjab, it is an awesome movie, Modi tried to sabotage it” he answered.
“What has movie piracy got to do with Modi, I think you are high sir” I remarked.
“Punjab elections are here, he sabotaged the movies to save Badal’s ” he answered.
“Speaking of Punjab election’s what are your chances of winning in Punjab” I enquired.
“I have promised them drug free society and free Wi-Fi , so we will win Punjab” he answered.
“But sir, how can people believe you after all the U turn’s in Delhi, where are the proposed CCTV cameras, schools and colleges” I asked him.
“ Is wasn’t U turn Modi and Lt Governor are not letting us function” he replied.
“As long as AAPtards are there you will win” I said.
“Can you identify an AAPtard” he remarked.
“ Well it’s pretty easy , call Rajdeep here” I told him.
He called Rajdeep and I asked him to sit with us. “Ok just count the number of Yes’s in the questions I ask, and don’t disturb my flow” I said to Rajdeep
“You guy’s start a candle light march for Gaza victims but nothing if the victim is a Hindu”
“You start an online petition to stop the Yulin dog meat festival while simultaneously eating beef”
“ You are more bothered about killings in Dadri and HCU than a doctor’s death in Delhi”
“ You suddenly feel intolerant when elections are near”
“You study a MA course ”
“You welcome refugees from Bangladesh saying humanity”
“If you cat dies, you blame Modi , if your wife has flu you blame Modi”
“If your leader does bad in a TV interview you blame Modi, if Modi breaks records in TV interviews you blame Modi”
“There are many other things, I can’t seem to remember now, so tell me Rajdeep how many yes’s did you get” I asked rajdeep.
“Fuck you, I got only 3 Yes’s “ Rajdeep said.
“Fuck you Rajdeep, even if you get one Yes you are an Aaptard” I remarked.
“Mr. Kejriwal, what do you think” I asked .
He didn’t seem to reply, He was busy tweeting. He didn’t acknowledge me.
“Rajdeep get the bill” he ordered.
I was dying to know what he was tweeting. Rajdeep got the bill.
“Sir, I and my wife have re-tweeted you” he remarked.
“Rajdeep, can you show me what your sir has tweeted” I asked him. Rajdeep passed me the phone.
The tweet read “Delhi unsafe thanks to #Modi, was attacked by a #bhakthnear my house, Delhi police unable to catch my attacker #Modi # LG must answer”
It was also re-tweeted by Kanhaiya Kumar.
Kejriwal seemed angry on me. He didn’t speak anymore. He started leaving the bar.
Rajdeep ran behind him for the tip. Kejriwal didn’t tip him. Despite his earlier promise. He took a U Turn yet again. Kejriwal sat in his Ferrari .Just as he was about to leave I asked him “why didn’t you tip him”. The car zoomed away. The driver was Manish Sisodia.
I went back into the bar to pay my bill. Rajdeep looked happy. “Why are you happy, he didn’t tip you” I said.
“Sir’s latest tweet is awesome” he remarked
He showed me the tweet. It read “Met a poor man, tipped him 10 rupees, he returned the tip back and said sir keep it as donation to AAP.I have tears in my eyes”
I almost fainted with a shock. I asked Rajdeep how much my bill was. He replied “ Sir, Kejriwal has paid your bill, it was Arvind’s Alcohol Party”
Well that sounded familiar Arvind’s Alcohol Party was the acronym for AAP.
I woke up from my nightmare. I promised never to watch Conjuring 3 in the future. Who knows what Mr. Kejriwal will be dressed up for the next Halloween.