Exercising freedom of speech is like picking your nose. It is inherently hypocritical. People thoroughly enjoy scraping the booger off their nose, rolling it into a tiny gooey ball with the tip of their index finger and thumb, and then pressing it against a wall or the underside of a seat. It’s almost an indulgence for the one doing it, like peeing on the highway during an overnight journey. But as soon as they see someone else doing it, they look more disgusted than a guy who’s just been to the first day, first show of a Tiger Shroff starrer.
This is the case with most people on Twitter. They opine on things they know nothing about, not knowing that it is okay in a while to let an event, like Modi taking a piss, go by without outraging on it. These people often find it comforting to piss in others’ bedroom, but start shitting as well when they’re pointed out.
Few days back, a few users on Twitter received offensive DMs from Rajdeep’s account.
Now it is a fact that Rajdeep is as good with punchlines as he is with punches. Some say his skills at punching and faking are so awesome it’s too bad it wasn’t Wrestlemania that day in Madison Square. The DM screenshots are testament to his wit and love for mother. Not motherland, you idiot. Whatever be the question/ jibe thrown at him, he replied with a text that, for all practical purposes, read ‘go ask your mom’.
‘How’d you get the flat?’
‘Ask your mom’
‘6 million?’
‘Ask your mom’
‘Entertain us!’
‘Ask your mom’
‘What’s so smelly?’
‘Ask your mom’
‘My name is Bharat’
‘New phone who this?’
‘Dad, what’s for dinner?’
‘Ask your mom’
Sagarika: ‘Can’t cook. I’m feminist’
At 20:02 hours or thereabouts, Rajdeep came up with a clarification.
Like the dead Bangladeshi bloggers whom he never defended, Rajdeep tweeted that his account was hacked. Hence, he would stay away from Twitter till they nab the impostor. Account was hacked, but he never got any warning, nor were there any issues when he logged in and tweeted ‘account was hacked’? Twitter is like an overly attached girlfriend. It is so hysterical it sometimes sends mails to people when they themselves login. Nor were any tweets posted: An ethical hacker, maybe? At any rate more ethical than most journalists and their journalist wives.
‘Account was hacked’ is not an excuse anymore; it’s almost an admission of guilt, like ‘the dog ate my homework’, or ‘I was unwell’. Saying ‘account was hacked’ is like texting your crush ‘hi’, and sending another one that goes ‘sorry that was my baby brother I don’t know how he wrote that so perfectly and then hit the send button too OMG’ when your crush sees your text but doesn’t reply.
Abusing anyone without provocation isn’t good. Rajdeep’s comrades say he was provoked. Evidence suggests he was, but evidence also suggests he has been provoking much of this provocation since forever, for his tweets have always tugged at others’ chaddis. Journalists are prone to getting their panties in a wad over chaddis. He put the pro in provocation. In short, he is the Virat Kohli of journalism. No, he’s not the best at it: the jurors recently caste their vote on this in favour of Ravish bhaiyya. He is Virat Kohli’s equal when it comes to abusing. He routinely abuses people and their mothers for no reason, but tries to SHAME others when they gang up on him.
In short, Rajdeep was picking his nose but stuck the booger in someone else’s seat. Guy on that seat started picking his own nose in retaliation, following which Rajdeep flung his ball of snot on that guy’s face.
He’s now alleging Photoshop, coz it’s probably easy to prove hacking but difficult to prove if an image is photo shopped. Basically, he’s gone from ‘arrest someone’ to ‘don’t arrest me’ in less than a day.
Rumour mills are abuzz ever since these DMs came to light. There is a group that believes people in public space should show some restraint. A reasonable argument, but Kejriwal says people who show restraint are cowards and psychopaths. A former Karnataka MLA, who was a part time member and full time porn connoisseur, believes he need not show any restraint as he is in the pubic space. Kanhaiya, echoing similar sentiments, flashed his privates when asked about restraint.
Someone pointed out that Rajdeep tweets using a Freedom 251 phone, as it comforts Rajdeep to hold something that is cheaper than him. People at TOI say ‘Ask your mom’ is shorthand for all of journalism these days. Others are, however, of the opinion that he deactivated his Twitter account in embarrassment after he replied to Rahul Gandhi’s innocent ‘who got the kickbacks?’ with a playful ‘your mom’.