Massive Criticism of the RSS Trousers instead of Half pants move, wherein the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh decided to dump its iconic Khaki shorts and replace them with full length trousers has electrified the political atmosphere of the country. Friends and foes alike have come down heavily on the RSS for this decision. A Frustrated reporter conducted an interview with the who’s who of our society to gauge public’s reaction to this landmark change.
RSS Trousers Episode – Scene 1: Frustrated Reporter (FR) Vs Enraged Feminist (EF)
FR– Madam, what is your opinion on RSS’s decision to switch to full length trousers as a part of its uniform?
EF– The decision smacks of sexism and anti-Feminism. Well, what else can you expect from 80 year old celibate granddaddies. Far from encouraging women to accept their bodies and feel comfortable in Tank tops, Shorts and Jeans, these orthodox RSS uncles are now asking the men to cover up? By doing so, they are deliberately infringing on a woman’s right to ogle at a man. These RSS wallahs want to lock up men inside a room, forcing women to curtail their desires. So typical of these RSS half-pants, they think women must always be kept deprived and to meet that objective they will go to any limit. I strongly condemn RSS’s decision to ask all Indian men to wear trousers and cover themselves up. Chal Uma, Mombatti nikal. India gate pe dharna denge.
FR– but Mrs. EF, the decision applies only to RSS. And RSS is an independent organization. Surely, it has the right to decide for itself.
EF– Uma, Police ko phone laga. This FR is making sexist remarks against me. How dare you call me Missus? You are an agent of the RSS wallahs. You think women have no identity independent of their husband’s surname. Shame on you!
FR– err…umm… Apologies Madam.
RSS Trousers Episode -Scene 2: Frustrated Reporter (FR) Vs Gandhi family Sycophant
FR– Sir, what is your opinion on RSS’s decision to switch to full length RSS trousers as a part of its uniform?
GFS– Like our leader says, this is one more attempt by the RSS to curtail diversity. In our country, people wear trousers, boys wear shorts, some wear dhotis, others wear Pyjamas, some wear langoti and some wear nothing. Congress, like India is a beehive, which tries to accommodate everyone. When our leader said, politics is in your shirt, in your pants, he meant it is in the tiniest of langotis and widest of Dhotis. RSS wallahs are trying to impose their myopic ideology on this nation. Congress will not tolerate this. We will protest everywhere. We will ensure that the next session of Rajya Sabha is a washout. Modi had said Acche din aayenge. Kya yahi hain Acche din. Shorts pehenene walon ki azadi chhin rahi hai and Modi is sitting and planning foreign travel. We demand that the government brings a constitutional amendment to force RSS to wear shorts.
FR– But does the RSS not have a right to choose its own uniform?
GFS– That is the problem. Why should there be uniform. Why should there be discipline. People should be allowed to do as they please. RSS can’t understand this. That is the problem.
RSS Trouser Episode -Scene 3: Frustrated Reporter (FR) Vs Environmental Activist (EA)
FR– Sir, what is your view on RSS’ decision to switch to trousers from shorts
EA– There is one main issue with this decision. A switch to trousers means more cloth will be required to stitch the uniform. This cloth will come from growing more cotton. More cotton would require more fertilizers. Once the RSS trouser is ready, it would require more water to clean it. It would require a larger quantity of detergent to clean it. All in all, it is a disastrous decision from an ecological point of view.
In a country, where farmers are committing suicide because of lack of water, we will divert resources to help RSS make a smooth switch to RSS trousers. I think this decision would accelerate the speed of
melting of glaciers. Ultimately, this decision will contribute to the drowning of Mumbai, Chennai and Kolkata as sea levels rise. I strongly feel that the National Green Tribunal should step in to order RSS to go back to shorts.
RSS Trousers Episode -Scene 4- Frustrated Reporter (FR) Vs Adarsh Liberal (AL)
FR– Sir, what do you have to say on RSS’s decision to adopt trousers and dump the shorts?
AL– RSS is an antiquated institution. They have once again reiterated this fact with their decision. In an era when the world is moving towards cargos, boardshorts and hot pants, RSS wallahs will go against the flow and adopt baggy trousers. Also, their decision is bound to hurt the sentiments of members of minority community. I hear that they are going to insist on the RSS trousers being full length instead of being till the ankles. This is a deliberate move to offend minorities and keep them out of the RSS. Finally, the colour Khaki (a variant of brown) colour has been deliberately chosen to rub salt into the wounds of the members of minority community. Everyone knows that brown colour is made up of Orange and Black colours and there is no element of green in that colour. This is RSS’s most brazen attempt till date to deny the Islamic history of India. For these reasons, RSS’s move should be strongly censured.