Step into the humorous world of Mark Twain as we dive into a collection of his most amusing and thought-provoking quotes that continue to tickle our funny bones.
40 Mark Twain Funny Quotes and Words
- “The rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
- “A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”
- “I never let my studies get in the way of my education.”
- “Age is a matter of mind over matter. If you don’t have a mind, it doesn’t matter.”
- “The best way to get rid of a temptation is to give in to it.”
- “Smoking kills, and if you have been killed, you have lost a very important part of your life.”
- “It is better to remain silent and appear a fool than to speak and leave no doubt about it.”
- “The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
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- “Never wrestle with a pig. You will only get dirty, and the pig will like it.”
- “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes.”
- “If you don’t read the newspapers, you’re misinformed. If you read them, you’re misinformed.”
- “The lies, the damned lies, and the statistics.” – Mark Twain funny quotes
- “Why not go on a trip? Life is short and the world is big.”
- “Habit is habit, and is not to be despised.”
- “Marriage is a great institution, but who would want to live in an institution?”
- “Modesty is a quality I don’t have.”
Mark Twain’s Hilarious Words
- “Heaven is reserved for saints and sinners; both groups are extremely boring.”
- “The work is finding out what you love, then finding someone to pay you to do it.”
- “Whiskey is the best brandy in the world…except water.”
- “Never borrow money from a friend. It could damage the friendship.”
- “Silence is the perfect speech.” – Mark Twain funny quotes
- “A man who does not carry his own burden should not be allowed to carry the burden of others.”
- “Anything excessive is insignificant.”
- “The coward is the man who doesn’t know when to stop fighting.”
Mark Twain Funny Quotes and Words
- “Humor is the great thing, the ultimate flavor of awakening. Try to laugh at the most serious thing in the world, death.”
- “There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he cannot afford it, and when he can.”
- “Reality often surpasses fiction. But lies always exceed reality.” – Mark Twain funny quotes
- “The best way to get rid of an unwanted government is to ignore it.”
- “Politeness and deference are the two most pernicious ways of making fun of someone.”
- “Most people are more concerned about what others think of them than what they think of themselves.”
- “Fate is what happens when you have something else planned.”
- “Kindness is the language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.”
Mark Twain Funny Quotes and Words
- “The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best time is now.”
- “The truth is the most precious thing a person can possess. It should be shrouded in liars.”
- “If you find a job you love, you will never have to work a day in your life.”
- “Dogs are better than men because they know but say nothing.”
- “Never take advice from a millionaire. Judge them by their results instead.”
- “Rumours of my wisdom are greatly exaggerated.” – Mark Twain funny quotes
- “Age is a matter of feeling, and we keep the feeling of youth as long as we want.”
- “The last person on Earth you should upset is yourself.”
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