Chamcha: Hello Bhakt! Come on. Have a sweet. Specially ordered from Agra.
Bhakt: Oh! Sweet is nice. And what’s the occasion? For the last eighteen months, you were on a strict diet of chillies.
CHAMCHA: Haven’t you heard? Supreme court strikes down the PIL by Subbu Samy.
BHAKT: We are in the Government and you are in opposition. If he files a PIL it must be against the Government. Then why you are celebrating if SC strikes it down?
CHAMCHA: Ha! Ha!! Ha!!!
B (Sensing the sinisterness): On what he filed the PIL?
CHAMCHA: Subbu wanted a CBI enquiry on the citizenship of our Prince?
BHAKT: Why, everybody knows he is a citizen of India and Italy.
CHAMCHA: You’re right. Now Subbu wants an enquiry to probe whether he is a British citizen also.
BHAKT: May be he’d seen SPECTRE and playing safe in MI-6 has outsourced James Bond to … Nah! It cannot happen. Pappu can never be James Bond.
CHAMCHA: Subbu had some ancient scripture belonging to 2005 in which it was written that Rahuji was a Britisher. Of course it was a typographic error, but this Samy guy has no other work than haunting us.
BHAKT: This time Subbu must be wrong miserably. He should have thought about the IQ level of Rahu. True to his wisdom, he might have referred to your old saying “Be a Roman, while in Rome”. He might be in Britain when that document was filled and he must have thought whenever he was in Britain, he is a Britisher.
CHAMCHA: May be. I cannot question his wisdom. Anyway, he can declare himself a citizen of any country in this world. He is an international leader.
BHAKT: Yeah! As long as chamchas like you exist, he will remain the Prince without portfolio.
CHAMCHA: Portfolio doesn’t matter. What matters is POWER! In all caps.
BHAKT: I really pity you. I know, you can’t help but to be a slave to a foreigner lady and her son. People like you caused downfall to this once glorious country.
CHAMCHA: Hey, stop this nonsense. Do you know this is the character of this nation?
BHAKT: What, Slavery?
CHAMCHA: Hell, No. I’m talking about welcoming guests. Athithi Devo Bhava.
BHAKT: Oh My God! That was for guests and not for invaders.
CHAMCHA: Whoever comes are guests. Some stay longer. Seems you preach Gita without understanding.
BHAKT: Please…. Don’t bring Gita in. You, taking the name of Gita is profanity.
CHAMCHA: Come on man. Take it easy. Do you know even your ancestors are foreigners?
BHAKT: Have you drunk in the morning?
CHAMCHA: No, I forgot. Hey, Apple Man, Give us chai.
(After ordering tea, turns to Bhakt)
CHAMCHA: Where am I?
BHAKT: Here only.
CHAMCHA: Tat.. Tat… Not ’bout the place man. ‘Ts ’bout the lecture. Haan! Do you know that Ram was an Aryan?
BHAKT: Yes! What he has to do with your Pappu? Don’t tell me he is a descendant of Lord Ram. I’ll die of brain haemorrhage.
CHAMCHA: Don’t worry. Just tell me whether Ram was Aryan or not?
BHAKT: I guess so.
CHAMCHA: And we know Aryans invaded our country and established the Indus valley civilisation.
BHAKT: Indus valley is in Pakistan. Do you mean to say Aryans invaded Pakistan?
CHAMCHA: No man, when Aryans invaded there was no Pakistan. Only India.
BHAKT: Were you there when they invaded?
CHAMCHA: Don’t interrupt me. Aryans came from the west. See they are goras. And you know, there was a god called Roma in ancient Italy. It must be Rama only. Like in Bangla, in Italian also they use ‘o’ instead of ‘a’.
Bhakt gets fits and falls down.
CHAMCHA: Appy, get some keys and put in his hand.
Apple Man: Leave him like that sir. He deserves punishment.
C (Trying to hold Bhakt still): Why? What has he done?
AM: What has he done? How dare he to initiate an intellectual discussion with you? He must suffer from the seizures.
CHAMCHA: How dare you to question my argument? You Chaiwala! You can’t understand what I was explaining him.
AM (Handsover tea): Stop your nonsense. Roma is a goddess and Rama was a god. You are changing the gender. You blind sycophant. If Aryans came from west and they are goras how come all Indian gods are black in color?
Chamcha: looks blindly at Apple man and blinks.
AM: Go and ask your award returnee historians, why they supported the theory of Aryan invasion. And remember, Rama was male while Roma was female.
CHAMCHA: Oh! Chaiwala, you are great. You solved the puzzle. Our madam must be the reincarnation of the ancient goddess Roma only. I shall inform my colleagues about her true-self.
Apple man gets seizures and falls down.